Your opinion sucks – sorry, I mean “I feel that your opinion sucks”

The Internet has given us a voice where for many of us we previously didn’t have one. Amazing things have happened – stories have been shared from war torn nations, people from cultures with years of bad blood have been able to amicably connect and a guy traded a red paper clip for a house!
As we all know though there are plenty of things that the Internet has provided us with that haven’t been so good – in my opinion the 24/7 constant stream of information about everything Kardashian is a little bit overkill however plenty of people totally dig that. It’s what they live for – and who am I to throw shade their way? Be it good or bad, and I’m totally open to this being argued either way, it truly has given us all the chance to have a voice and for that voice to be heard but sometimes, just sometimes I think that maybe we need to reassess the way in which we frame our voices.

It's a thing.
It’s a thing.

I’m gonna go a little bit ranty here but I think it needs to be said – and heard- people of the Internet and you know what, people at the pub, the water cooler and work kitchen, please remember that your opinions are subjective. They are yours and for the most part they are complex and diverse and incredibly unique to you. They are not gospel – even if you write them on a forum or in the comments section of a Facebook post or article.
You may think that the Bachelorette is the single worst show in the history of the world and of that opinion you are entitled however you probably should say something along the lines of; “I THINK that the Bachelorette is so terrible, if you watch it, I feel like you could likely contract eye cancer” (and yes, I used to date a guy who said these things, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!)– as opposed to; “That is the worst television show in the known universe, people who watch it deserve to die” – you see, the first shows that what you are saying is your opinion, while the second makes it seem like you are trying to talk on behalf of all mankind, which I can assure you is not something you want to do, if you are bagging out the Bachelorette. You will have angry mobs after you if you make outlandish claims involving Osher and beautiful, lovely, wonderful Sam Frost. You do not want that however, feel free to express YOUR opinion- just phrase it as such.

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Why would you mess with this guy? or his hair?

This is a gripe that really hits home when it comes to comedy – one of the single most subjective communication mediums going around. Reading posts about comedians, by comedians or promoting comedians you will no doubt see comments along the lines of; “*insert well known comedian here* is terrible, they should just give up now, their jokes are low grade and dick jokes aren’t even that funny” – contrasted with a comment saying; “oh my gosh, funniest shit I have ever seen” – see, different courses for different horses. The first comment, however, tries to speak for everyone. Just because you say someone is terrible, does not mean they are. You can say that you THINK they are terrible, but who are you to signally decide in entirety that they are?
Finally, and this isn’t what most post is about, it is about the use of subjective terms – duh, but (and this is one that really, really hits home), have you ever said something along the lines of; “women aren’t funny”? That’s okay, you’re allowed to think that. You would be wrong for a thousand and one reasons, but you are entitled to your opinions however next time try saying; “I personally do not find women to be all that funny and that is my personal opinion because I am a backwards asshole who has no concept of what is good, in fact from time to time I like to eat dirt because it pleases my cultureless palate”. To which I would respond; “good day to you sir, now I bid you adieu so that you may comfortably climb back into the hole which you somehow escaped from”
Good night.

Ten More Things I Know to not be True, A.K.A Lies I Tell Myself…While Watching ‘The Bachelor Australia’

  • When my boyfriend walks past, laughing at my house mate and I saying ‘you know this is all fake right’; “No way, this shit is life or death, conflict in Gaza, sanctions on Russia, The Batchelor Australia, all important world issues”
  • The girls are walking in, a few stumble in their sky high heels and floor length gowns; “uh hmm if that was me I’d be gliding in like the elegant swan that I am, not a baby foal talking its first steps…amateurs!”
  • Brilliant, the one who they’ve framed as the ‘crazy stalker’ girl has arrived; “I don’t understand why they’re framing this as weird, singing an out of tune ditty you just wrote to a guy is freakin’ endearing…”
  • All the ladies have made it inside; “It’s okay to pour myself another glass of champagne, the boxing class I did two hours ago is still workin its magic…”
  • Osher Gunsberg comes on to tell us what the white rose means; “It’s not weird, not one bit at all that Andrew G is now called Osher because of a spiritual awakening…you gotta be a spiritual guy to be a presenter on this show…”
  • There’s a cocktail party with ONE MAN and 24 WOMEN; “I got this, I’d totes excel in this situation, no stress, I’d be all like “whatever, all these bitches ain’t got shit on me” and just generally dominate, none of this erratic craziness we’re seeing here…”
  • When it becomes clear that a number of women on this show have unaddressed psychological issues; “Ethics?! Who needs ethics! Making a top notch reality TV series means pushing the limits, even if the contestants are mentally unstable and will inevitably leave worse off than when it started…”
  • While drunk Sam stands looking longingly at Beautiful Blake (or BB as he will henceforth be known); “When trying to get a man’s attention, I’ve never once been that a) creepy b) desperate c) drunk…”
  • Boyfriend walks past again, this time he says ‘ugh, that shows is still on? Do you realise that it’s probably giving you eye cancer?!’; “Uhm has not, in fact it’s clearly increasing my IQ”
  • It’s over; “I literally can’t even. What will I do with myself for the next week until it returns? I may quiet LITERALLY die of withdrawals. What’s that? It’s on again Thursday night? But I have to go to the gym. I will go to the gym and watch the catch up episode online later…I WILL GO TO THE GYM….”
blake
Blake…his looks are open to interpretations but his charm and six-pack are honest and true.