It’s been almost a month since I turned 27, an incredibly freezing cold and unremarkable one. Sure I’ve cried at work (standard) and sipped red wine from a bottle mid week (like a thirsty baby whose parents should really be punished) but otherwise life has been a little uneventful. This has allowed my mind plenty of time to wander and I truly hoped to have written at least 4,000 more words on a sneaky little novel that I may or may not be working on…instead I’ve just done this – a list of 27 thoughts that have squeezed into my mind since celebrating the date of my birth.
Don’t hate me because you ain’t me? Yeah just pity me because you’re probably doing better than me…

• This feels just like 26
• Surprisingly hangovers hurt less. Or I drink less…drinking is expensive.
• (While having a sneaky perv at a bunch of boys doing some footy training) damn, that is some tasty talent out there…oh wait…I think I used to baby sit that one. Shit.
• I thought I’d be more impressed by myself by now. I have gotten very good at playing ‘adult’ though. Fooled them all.
• I thought I’d feel wiser…more worldly…over night
• My mum had a school aged child when she was my age…me!
• Is it normal that I felt slightly aroused when my boyfriend announced that he had already completed his tax return? And it’s only August?
• This cake is nice and all but do you think I’d lose my job if I demanded an acapella group performing Up Town Girl for next years birthday?
• If I go crazy then will you still call me super man?
• If I’m alive and well will you be there holding my hand?
• What ever did happened to that band 3 Doors Down?
• How Bootylicious is too Bootylicious?
• I wonder how much snot I have produced in my life so far. Like if I wanted to put it all in a jar, how big would that jar have to be?
• Why didn’t the guy in the TLC Waterfalls video just use a condom? It was the 90s, he should have known better.I guess if he had worn a condom TLC wouldn’t have written Waterfalls and that would have been a shame.
• I should probably start listening to music from this decade
• I think in the form of questions a lot…does that make me a philosopher? Or do they have to be intelligent questions for that to be a thing?
• I haven’t done anything good enough to make me eligible to join the 27 club which is kind of a bummer…but at least I won’t die this year. Probably. It doesn’t actually work like that, does it?
• Maybe if I stopped wasting my time on writing stuff like this then I could actually do something good…maybe
• Why does it seem that they always play the same episodes of Sex and the City and Law and Order SVU on TV? Or do I just tune in whenever those episodes happen to be playing? Is someone playing a big TV joke on me? Why would I be important enough for someone to do that?
• Am I being neurotic?
• What even is neurotic?
• Oh I just looked it up. Yep. I am actually super neurotic. I got nervous going to the swimming pool the other day because I was worried that there was a heap of swimming pool etiquette I didn’t know and I would make a dick of myself. It took me three hours to talk myself into going to the pool and guess what? I had a lovely time. Except my hair kept smelling like chlorine for days…even after I washed it. I wonder if people noticed…
• Every time I see a cat I think about what it would be like to eat a cat first, then I want to pat it second. Is that weird? I don’t think I would like the taste. I imagine it would be like plain chicken which really isn’t a thing that I like. Or tiger. I think a cat would taste similar to a tiger. I’ve never tasted tiger. Though I do think that neither of those things would taste like lion – it’s just logical.
• Is it possible to sing the theme tune to Arthur the Aardvark and still feel sad?
• Am I the only one who finds Eternal Flame by the Bangles to be super creepy?
• I wonder if people can tell that my legs are hairy under my stockings
• Shit, my long term plan as a child was to get married at 27. I guess I’ve got 11 or so months to make that happen – anyone willing to help a sister out?

…Tune the next time I write a post to find out if my plan is on track…the marriage one that is.