The Crazy World of Alicia Norton

Welcome to my Blog. This is where I share my musings, ideas and links to articles that I have written elsewhere.

Feel free to wade through the articles or click through to some of the following links

RECENT POSTS:

The (almost) Relationship Ending Fart.

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Three days ago I involuntarily unleashed a sound and scent from my body that caused me to question my ability to love myself. I couldn’t even begin to think about how it affected my boyfriend who was standing a mere meter away. Sure, I’ve farted in front of him plenty of times before – hell; I’ve probably even farted on him but this fart was different on so many levels.

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My Dream Netflix Sub-Genre

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I’m not crying, you’re crying…okay I’m bloody crying, there’s a torrential downpour of salty dampness falling from my peepers and I bloody love it, okay? Okay. I did this to myself, I have no one else to blame and I regret nothing.
This is exactly how I feel after watching Cool Runnings. Or Save The Last Dance. Or Dirty Dancing. Not because they’re sad, per se – sure it’s sad that I’m sitting here in a Friday night, sure it’s a bit sad how (spoiler alert) the fast running dude doesn’t get to go to the Summer Olympics and it’s definitely a kick in the guts when (spoiler alert) Julia Styles’ characters mum dies, and it’s definitely a complete tragedy when Baby’s sister embarrasses herself by singing – but it’s not ‘choke on your Kahlua and milk because you can’t breathe between tears’ level sad. But somehow that’s exactly what I manage. Every. Single. Time.

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27 Thoughts I’ve Had Since Turning 27

27 thoughts Ive had since turning 27

It’s been almost a month since I turned 27, an incredibly freezing cold and unremarkable one. Sure I’ve cried at work (standard) and sipped red wine from a bottle mid week, like a thirsty baby whose parents should really be punished but otherwise life has been a little uneventful….

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The More I Bleed The More I Learn – Part Two: The Hello Kitty Maternity Hospital

Hello Kitty Cover Image

Ever woken up, checked the calendar (okay, more realistically the date on your phone) and thought “oh golly gee, seems like I should be surfing the crimson tide today” (okay, more realistically “fuck it, my period is due sometime soon”)? And like, it’s never really a good day when you realise that (if it comes it’s a 4 or so day bummer and if it doesn’t…blargh let’s not go there) – you’ve gotta find silver (crimson) linings where you can though, it’s the small things y’know? Like the excitement of reading the fun facts in the Libra wrappers. Yeah, life is really peaking.

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Interview with Toby Oliver

Get Out Cover

‘Get Out’, the hit directorial debut from comedian Jordan Peele has received rave reviews, wowing critics both here and in the US.

Mixing both horror and comedy, the film presents moments of true spine-tingling fear mixed with well-crafted jokes to create a thoroughly enjoyable, entertaining and thought-provoking piece of film.

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The more I bleed, the more I learn – Part One: The Russian Beard Tax
Making the most of the luxury goods tax, one factual month after the other.

Russian Beard Tax Cver

So you might not be aware but menstruation is a thing that happens on the reg for many around the world. For the uninitiated let me enlighten you: there ain’t much joy to be found in it. For some, slight happiness can be found in the revelation that they made it through another month without accidentally bringing life into the world but that’s where it stops for silver linings – or in this case, more like reddish brown linings (sorry not sorry).

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Snag a Snag: The Lazy Girls Eating Guide

Bunnings and Snag

Today I stopped by Bunnings just to get a sausage. I wandered in the door to make it look like I had a legitimate reason to be there and all I did was pat a dog (yes, people can and do take their dogs to Bunnings, note to single men out there, take your dogs to Bunnings, it is an excellent place to pick up).

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The Adelaide Bucket Stuff It List

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Adelaide, you’re amazing! You’re my home town – the only place I’ve ever lived in fact, but that’s all about to change as I do one of the most typical Adelaide things to do…and leave Adelaide.
Many a list has been put together of fantastic things to do in Adelaide (here’s one from the Adelady gals)  before you kick the proverbial bucket but what about a list of things to do when you’ve decided to leave the city (for a while)? What about a list for when you say “I’m going into hiding (moving to Melbourne) for a while”?
I present to you, the Adelaide stuff it list.

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10 Reasons To See One Beer Weird

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Hey gorgeous! If you’ve made it this far you’re probably my kind of people already. I mean to get here you had to knowingly click on a link or type in a URL featuring my name – which is pretty confronting in itself – so go you! Pour yourself a wine, you deserve it.

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New Year, New Me? Nah, Same Me, New Date.

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“The Final Countdown” by Journey is blasting from my tiny iPad speakers and I have no one to blame except myself. I was the one who selected the “Ultimate NYE Party” playlist from the plethora of options on Spotify and it’s a decision that I’m sticking with, despite the current outcome.

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Embarrassing tales of Christmas’ past

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Merry Christmas my loves, at this time, this precious beautiful time of year, let us all take a moment to remember the special moments of festive seasons past. I hope my reflections help you too, to reminisce about the times that you wished you could swap families, go into witness protection or simply disappear, never to be heard from ever again.

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Ten Thoughts I’ve Had While Moving House

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Hello Internet, I am moving house! Probably not news if you’re my Facebook friend though, since I’ve posted about 50 million status updates attempting to give away my furniture over the course of the last five weeks but that’s beside the point (however if you’re after a queen sized bed frame or a lounge, hit me up!). I digress.

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I Tried The Curry at Snowtown (So You Didn’t Have To)

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A quick and innocent Google search of the term ‘Snowtown’ inevitably returns a Wikipedia page detailing the gruesome murders and decaying corpses, an IMDB link to the film that dramatized them and numerous news reports with in depth information explaining exactly how it all unfolded. Not a single page mentions the absolutely top notch curry and fried chicken that can be found at the Snowtown Servo. I believe that this is an absolute travesty that needs to be rectified post-haste so I took one for the team and ventured (far) past Gepps Cross to retrieve curry so good that it should be consumed by the barrel full.

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I Tried KFC’s Cola Wicked Wings (So You Didn’t Have To)

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There has been much hype surrounding KFC’s new Cola BBQ Wicked Wings (mostly on KFC’s own Facebook page which I follow since I am of the sincere belief that simply seeing pictures of fatty food (and then consuming it) can make a hangover literally disappear).
It was due to this genius marketing technique (and a stream of constant ads on Spotify) that I found myself drawn to find out if they lived up to the hype.

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Sorry Not Sorry

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I’m really sorry to say this but the word ‘sorry’ sucks. Is it just me or is it insanely over used? I know that I am constantly apologising for things completely out of my control – usually in the work place. I like to think that it makes me come off as a good person; helpful and polite. Whenever I do it though, I feel like a complete twat.

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I Have Embraced

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“My body is the only thing that I truly own…I will strive to make it perfect in every possible way” – that’s something that I jotted down in a note book; I think I was eighteen or nineteen at the time.
While I was lucky enough – and yes, luck did have a lot to do with it, to spend a number of my adolescent years relatively unaffected by body image issues, as I hit my late teens looks became the primary focus of my attention.

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How I Developed My Love of Booze

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I don’t know what it is lately but I’ve been getting super nostalgic. All I listen to is throw back playlists; anything released in the last ten years makes me want to violently plug my ears and I am OBSESSED with the memories function on Facebook. What was that? Six years ago I rode my bike to the beach? Shit, past me was a far more glorious creature than I am now.

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Spotlight: Where Happiness Goes To Die

Survival

I would like to tell you that this is a happy story but it is not. At the beginning of this experience I was a happy go lucky young lady. Well a lot has happened since this morning and I write to you as a broken and fragile woman. This is not a tale of heroism; it is merely a tale of survival. There was no triumph over adversity in my adventures today however a simple and gracious, acceptance of my own mortality did occur.

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Hey Australia, I’m Not Okay

Sonia Kruger Post

This isn’t the first time that I’ve had to write a post like this. I hope and pray that it is the last but I’m not that naive.
I’m the one who’s always making a joke, always up for a bit of fun and general silliness but I can’t make jokes about this because it’s tearing my heart in two. Every ounce of my being aches as I write these words, as I think about the state of the world that we’re living in today.

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This is How You Adult (Apparently)

Aging blog

Tomorrow I turn twenty six. Today I went to work wearing a purple tutu, unicorn jumper and a flower wreath in my hair. Instead of the customary birthday office cake (usually from Costco or made by a loving wife) I took honey crackles. Partially because I don’t have a Costco membership or a loving wife but also because I am a big ‘old, silly ‘old kid at heart.

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Warm Your Heart & Fill It With Gold!

They say that the big city can be a scary and daunting place however for those working in the creative industries it’s usually the small cities that send us running away looking for something bigger, brighter and, dare I say, easier. Look close enough though and you’ll find plenty of bright young things bucking the ‘let’s move to Melbourne’ trend and bringing Adelaide’s creative and arts scene to life. One of these absolute gems is Heart of Gold International Short Film Festival Ambassador Michaela Banks who is presenting the Adelaide Heart of Gold Showcase, an event which Michaela explains focuses on presenting uplifting, positive and nourishing films to help you “come away with a smile on your face”.

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Originally from Gympie in regional Queensland, where the Heart of Gold International Film Festival is based, Michaela has travelled the world working in the creative industries but Adelaide has managed to capture her heart (for the time being). Why Adelaide though? Well apart from managing to find a love of cycling in our bike friendly city she explains that our unique community and attitude is what really sold her; “While Melbourne and Sydney certainly do offer more year round work opportunities in the arts, Adelaide’s smaller pool is a fantastic environment to hone your craft. There is enough cultural stuff going on in Adelaide to keep you entertained every night of the week if you know where to look. And if there is a hole in the cultural landscape there is plenty of support in Adelaide to start up something yourself. To quote Daniels Langeberg, founder of EcoCaddy, “Adelaide is collaborative, not competitive”. I’ve lived in London and New York, and the pace in Adelaide suits me down to the ground” says Michaela.

 

Settling in Adelaide as a creative isn’t without its challenges though, and while Michaela wasn’t initially ready for the ‘post festival blues’ she has adapted and thrived in our fair city; “I feel as though Adelaideans appreciate the lifestyle they have here and are willing to contribute their talents and cultivate their passions so that in addition to having a beautiful landscape, and great food and wine, the community here can also have access to a really nourishing art and culture. Did I mention Adelaide is affordable? You can be an artist is Adelaide and you don’t have to be starving.”

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Just like Gympie, Michaela explains that we in Adelaide have; “A fantastic appreciation for short film and filmmaking, and you can look up and see the stars in the night sky.” Just like Michaela I know that I’ll never grow tired of standing in the middle of the city at night and seeing the stars while also being able to find something culturally enriching to do every night of the week.

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You can see the results of all of Michaela’s hard work on Thursday June 23rd the Producers on Grenfell Street as it plays host to a screening of eight diverse short films as part of the Heart of Gold Festival. Tickets are only $12 online and include a free drink on arrival – get yours here: http://tks.im/heartofgold

Let’s Get Political!

Guess what?! The election is JUST AROUND THE CORNER and this one is set to be a corker….!
Actually, that’s a lie – it’s batshit boring. That being said, we can still have a bit of fun with it!

I recently wrote an article for Scenestr.listing 5 memorable moments from AusPol history – that are sure to make you AusLOL (terrible, I’m only a little bit sorry about that too…)

All of this is in aid of my recent work on political television show The Raucous Caucus on Channel 44 – you can check out the first episode at the end of this insanely exciting post…and please do because I am so so so very proud of this bucking beast that is only getting better and better every single week!

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piccy from Tonedeaf

So without further ado, here’s the piece from Scenestr.

With the election looming and weeks of arduous campaigning still ahead, you could be forgiven for feeling a bit of a political overload.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. Here in Australia we have an exciting history of bizarre political occurrences unique to our Aussie way of life. The team behind new TV series ‘The Raucous Caucus’ – which airs on Adelaide’s Chanel 44 and will be available online from 2 June – have put together a list of 5 uniquely Aussie political events and facts, these things that make our country… kinda great.

Cooking Crisis

In 2010 an Australian election TV debate had to be rescheduled so that it didn’t conflict with the airing of the ‘Masterchef’ finale. We Aussies sure do love our cooking shows!

DJ Albo

Our politicians aren’t afraid to rock out; former Prime Minister Paul Keating managed a rock band in the 1960s and in 2015 Anthony Albanese took up DJing to provide entertainment at charity and fundraising events. Mr Albanese adopted the name DJ Albo.

Cold Water Men

Likewise, our pollies love a bit if a drink, before becoming Prime Minister, Bob Hawke was immortalised by the Guinness Book of Records for drinking 2.5 pints (a yard glass) of beer in 11 seconds in the year 1954. Similarly, Sir John Robertson, five times premier of New South Wales, was said to have drank a pint of rum every morning for 35 years. He is quoted as saying: ‘none of the men who have left footprints in this country have been cold water men.’

Country-sized Electorates

Everything is bigger down under… our largest electorate, Durack, is larger in size than Mongolia. Durack, in Western Australia, stretches 2,905kms and covers almost 1.6 million square kilometers, which is like driving from London to Istanbul.

Time Out

In 1975, Australia had a government shutdown, which ended with the Queen firing everyone and the government starting again. While the whole thing is a little more complex than that, let’s just keep it simple – there was a whole lot of squabbling and in the end, our mum put us all in time out for a moment and since then we’ve tried (and likely failed) to be a little bit better behaved.

 

And now that you’re incredibly learned about all the complex ins and outs of the entire history of Aussie politics, watch the first episode…

New episodes will be screened each Thursday at 7.30 on Channel 44 in the lead up to the election, with all eps online after. You can also come along to a live recording – check out adelaidecomedy.com for more details!