Adelaide Halloween Costumes on a (Very Tight) Budget

Halloween is once again just around the corner and like every year the pressure is on to come up with a unique costume that doesn’t break the bank. With that in mind, and not forgetting the fact that Halloween is supposed to be scary, may I present you my very own list of Adelaide themed Halloween Costumes on a (very tight) Budget!

Embrace your inner balls…

Grab some balls, wrap em in alfoil and holy shit, you’re the most iconic location in Adelaide. The bigger the balls, the better – mine are small because I’m lazy.

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Wrap em and get playin…

Costume requirements: Aluminium foil and your imagination…

Scare Factor: it all depends on how dirty yer balls are.

I’m a (slutty) pig – duh.

Second only to the balls, the pigs are surely the most regularly mounted attraction in the mall. Ensure that you get all the attention you deserve this all hallows eve – slut it up or play it down, the choice is totally yours.

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oink?

Costume requirements: I used post-it notes because I am poor.

Scare Factor: Depends how much you embrace your inner-pig

I’m a serial killer – duh.

It’s Adelaide. Apparently serial killers are everywhere. Mess with people even more, just come dressed like you do everyday.

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This is how I look at work everyday (except I brushed my hair and put make-up on), but y’know, I could totally be a murderer. You would never know…

Costume Requirements: None. Dress normally. Idiots will think you’re too lazy to bother with a costume, socially aware Adelaidians will know better. Feel free to add validity by hiding weapons (fake, of course) in your bag / car / dungeon – I mean basement.

Scare factor: watch Wolf Creek and Snow Town and then we can talk.

Uhm Can I Speak to the Manager? AKA The Burnside Mum

Spotted around the Eastern Suburbs but only in the right places, this woman is scary as fuck. You do not want to grow up to be her but you can take the piss out of her.

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“Pretty Woman” wig noted.

Costume requirements: You could fully commit and get one of those terrible hair-cuts or you could just use a wig. Incidentally this is the same wig I use to dress as Lady Gaga and ‘Pretty Woman’ so, y’know. Add a pearl necklace (the kind you can buy in a jewellery shop) for authenticity. I got mine from my ex-boyfriend. Incidentally he bought the same one for his mum which I feel says a lot about our relationship.

Scare factor: Have you ever worked in retail? These people are the stuff of nightmares.

Clipsal Fan

Give up on life and you’re half way there. Add a flannelette shirt and you’re almost set…the final touch is forcibly removing a few teeth to complete the look.

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I actually drank West End for this. legit.

Costume requirements: As above. You can only drink West End for the entire night, which probably isn’t the only downside of this costume…just, try to keep the racist comments to a minimum, okay?

Scare factor: petrifying to anyone who looks at you the wrong way…

Glenelg

The name is a palindrome, it’s the same backwards and forwards – and yes I am grasping as straws here. But you too can be the same backwards and forwards if you just try….

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It’s my face on the back of my head. How could you go wrong?!

Costume requirements: Stick a photo of your own face to the back of your head. Walk with pride. Also a name badge that says Hannah…or…Glenelg, I guess..

Scare factor: I guess this depends on whether people like seeing your face twice or if once is enough…

Sports Fans…

Look, I’m not a sporty person…so passionate sports fans kinda…scare me. They don’t even have to try but recently it’s gotten even worse; Crows fans can’t seem to let go of all the fact that some of their key players are leaving and they’re a bundle of emotion. Heart break and anger can do frighting things to a person, just one of the many reasons to be afraid of sports fans.

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I “borrowed” this mug from a co-worker. Borrowed.

Costume requirements: Sports…stuff. Head to your local op shop for a cheap deal on Port Adelaide merch,as I’m sure many of their ‘true fans’ have jumped off the bandwagon after the season they had.

Scare factor: Did you see Twitter when they officially announced that Dangerfield was leaving?Have you ever sat in the members’ area when the wrong team is winning? I rest my case.

All of my friends…

Leaving Adelaide is just so…Adelaide. You find yourself in your 20s and suddenly there is no worse place to be than Adelaide – apparently. So everyone packs their bags and high tails the fuck out. It’s almost iconic.

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Bye bitches. Taken on a Monday night…I was getting lazy by this point.

Costume requirements: Packed bags and a look of enthusiasm that’ll come in handy when Melbourne’s winter hits hard.

Scare factor: Terrifying. Basically I just want my friends to stop abandoning me.

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Your opinion sucks – sorry, I mean “I feel that your opinion sucks”

The Internet has given us a voice where for many of us we previously didn’t have one. Amazing things have happened – stories have been shared from war torn nations, people from cultures with years of bad blood have been able to amicably connect and a guy traded a red paper clip for a house!
As we all know though there are plenty of things that the Internet has provided us with that haven’t been so good – in my opinion the 24/7 constant stream of information about everything Kardashian is a little bit overkill however plenty of people totally dig that. It’s what they live for – and who am I to throw shade their way? Be it good or bad, and I’m totally open to this being argued either way, it truly has given us all the chance to have a voice and for that voice to be heard but sometimes, just sometimes I think that maybe we need to reassess the way in which we frame our voices.

It's a thing.
It’s a thing.

I’m gonna go a little bit ranty here but I think it needs to be said – and heard- people of the Internet and you know what, people at the pub, the water cooler and work kitchen, please remember that your opinions are subjective. They are yours and for the most part they are complex and diverse and incredibly unique to you. They are not gospel – even if you write them on a forum or in the comments section of a Facebook post or article.
You may think that the Bachelorette is the single worst show in the history of the world and of that opinion you are entitled however you probably should say something along the lines of; “I THINK that the Bachelorette is so terrible, if you watch it, I feel like you could likely contract eye cancer” (and yes, I used to date a guy who said these things, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!)– as opposed to; “That is the worst television show in the known universe, people who watch it deserve to die” – you see, the first shows that what you are saying is your opinion, while the second makes it seem like you are trying to talk on behalf of all mankind, which I can assure you is not something you want to do, if you are bagging out the Bachelorette. You will have angry mobs after you if you make outlandish claims involving Osher and beautiful, lovely, wonderful Sam Frost. You do not want that however, feel free to express YOUR opinion- just phrase it as such.

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Why would you mess with this guy? or his hair?

This is a gripe that really hits home when it comes to comedy – one of the single most subjective communication mediums going around. Reading posts about comedians, by comedians or promoting comedians you will no doubt see comments along the lines of; “*insert well known comedian here* is terrible, they should just give up now, their jokes are low grade and dick jokes aren’t even that funny” – contrasted with a comment saying; “oh my gosh, funniest shit I have ever seen” – see, different courses for different horses. The first comment, however, tries to speak for everyone. Just because you say someone is terrible, does not mean they are. You can say that you THINK they are terrible, but who are you to signally decide in entirety that they are?
Finally, and this isn’t what most post is about, it is about the use of subjective terms – duh, but (and this is one that really, really hits home), have you ever said something along the lines of; “women aren’t funny”? That’s okay, you’re allowed to think that. You would be wrong for a thousand and one reasons, but you are entitled to your opinions however next time try saying; “I personally do not find women to be all that funny and that is my personal opinion because I am a backwards asshole who has no concept of what is good, in fact from time to time I like to eat dirt because it pleases my cultureless palate”. To which I would respond; “good day to you sir, now I bid you adieu so that you may comfortably climb back into the hole which you somehow escaped from”
Good night.

Myths About Adelaide: The True and The False

With rumours, myths and common misconceptions about our fair city — Adelaide residents have heard it all.

We grew up living in a city whose signature dish is a meat pie floating in pea soup, and where our major road is designed to only go in one direction. We know that even the craziest of ideas are possible. So when facts are more ridiculous than fiction – who can blame the uneducated *cough* interstate *cough* masses for taking tall tales as gospel.

Don’t be ashamed though Adelaide – let’s wear our weirdness with pride and explore the truth behind the rumours that the mean girls like to spread – and yeah, we’re looking at you and Sydney and Melbourne!

Head to Adelady to read the rest of the post…

The best thing about the internet is not actually porn…

There is one thing in the world that makes my heart beat faster, that makes me weak at the knees and causes subtle yet classy salivation. I think about it for days on end, I fantasise about it while chained to my desk, I dream about at night and wake up with on my mind for the entire morning. I’m talking about food – good food. Actually, let’s be honest, sometimes it doesn’t even have to be that good – because every now and then every girl likes to have a naughty little thought about that burger that you’d be way too embarrassed to introduce to your parents – and apologies for my terrible analogies but there’s some fried chicken interrupting my chain of thoughts.
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I like thinking about food almost as much as I like eating it. Which is why I think the greatest thing that the Internet has ever allowed for is the dissemination of menus to the masses. I can sit at work, wondering what I would I should sink my teeth into later that night and at the touch of the button, the limitless options are right there in front of me. While the moans at the thought of future pleasure that are expelled from behind my screen could cause potential embarrassment and a call from the HR department, I have no shame. Nothing will ever end my love of the online menu – except for one thing that is…well one sentence; “oh, we’re all out of that today” – you what mate? You’re out of that thing that caused me to drool on my keyboard just at the thought of it? Or even worse – a superior specials board. Nothing else breaks my heart more than deciding on exactly what to consume, only to arrive and be distracted by tantalising options previously not advertised. Decision making is not my strong point and now I have to reject one food option? Not cool.

Right
Okay, I’m pretty pleased with online menus…but yeah wouldn’t complain about being able to download cheesecake…

I’m of the belief that every ones problems are relevant to them and their unique situation, and while my issues might seem minimal to you, they mean a lot to me. Please do not invite me somewhere that does not have an online menu. I will not be able to make it through the day. The anticipation of the unknown will more than likely cause me a mental breakdown – I’m not saying it’s happened before but I’m not saying it hasn’t. That’s all. Basically.

Online menus make life worth living.