Why do I watch bad TV shows and movies? It’s kinda like asking ‘why do you drink terrible wine?’ – except it’s not at all. The answer to the latter question could be simple – ‘because it’s cheap’ – however living close to some of the best wine regions means this is no excuse. My excuse is usually that it was left at our house. It might have been open a while, lost its taste, on top of the fact that it was a bad drop to begin with and yet I’ll still drink it, because I like feeling giddy. I’m doing it right now, in fact. This glass of wine is deplorable – it’s been poured from a bottle of red that’s been open a month. I was using it for cooking and just kind of left it there. Today, on a relaxing Saturday afternoon, my gaze fell upon the wine and I though, well, ‘waste not want not’.
As I wrote the above, I realised there is actually a parallel between bad wine and bad viewing. The wine will get you giddy but the viewing will at least make you feel something – even if it is just the anger at the fact that something so terrible could in fact make its way to a screen near you. As I write this, and drink the terrible wine, I am watching a fine example of this, but I guess that means I should perhaps explain what I mean by bad – because if it really was ‘bad’ then why would I be watching it?!
I mean shitty TV shows – mostly aimed at women and lonely people; the ‘reality shows’ with unrealistic scenarios involving pressurised situations – usually in a kitchen or on a date with a ‘bachelor’ – (and you can’t decide if he actually is good looking or you just think he is because all the women on the show are crazily lusting after him). I’m sure you get the gist. There’s also the ones with the vapid female leads, driven by soul destroying consumerist motives, whose love lives are destined to fail time and time again – until some day they don’t. It’s not real, they’re not nice and I think my head might explode.
I’m talking about horrendous films, the kind that girls get together and watch while sharing a bottle of wine, blocks of chocolate and the tears of ruined relationships. Like the one I’m watching right now – alone, with that disgusting glass of wine that I am actually considering tipping down the sink (but let’s be honest, no matter how bad it tastes, I’ll probably still keep drinking it). It’s bad, I know exactly how it will end – and she certainly won’t end up with the bloke she thinks she will – it’s her quirky off-sider she just met whose currently driving her insane that she’ll marry – not the wealthy doctor who she’s known for four years. Yet, I keep watching it. If my boyfriend were here he’d probably say something like ‘Oh god, why don’t you just get in a hot bath and slit your wrists, that would be less painful than watching this, I think it’s giving you eye cancer.’ – yeah, he’s a sweet heart.
From a technical sense, these flicks aren’t gonna win any acclaim – ditto the TV shows, they might not even break even at the box office but you know what? They’ll certainly make you feel something. Sure that ‘something’ might be a strange mix of happiness that the leading lady got her man, mixed with jealousy that your man may never live up to the high standards set by the on screen gents – or it might just be anger that you’ve wasted your precious time watching something that could potentially be used as torture material in Guantanamo bay.
Netflix tells me that most of these titles fall under the category of ‘feel good’ – and who am I to argue with the beauty that is Netflix?! I don’t know if it’s because they make me ‘feel good’ or because they sooth my brain cells (by not forcing me to use them) but one things for sure; I could be reading a really good piece of literature right now (honest, there is an actual book next to my bed) but I choose to watch this tripe – I, therefore, am no better than an accused terrorist!* Either that or I’m just a sucker for cheap thrills and mind numbing brilliance!
*That may not have been my point, but I’ve drunk a lot of wine now, that may or may not have morphed into poison, therefore my opinion is valid. Very valid indeed.
Oh mi gawd guys, it’s over (sad face!) – but in all seriousness, I am so incredibly simultaneously sad (because this past month was one of the most incredibly amazing of my life and I never wanted it to end) and happy (because I can now get re-antiquated with my bed regularly and get started working on some new projects that I haven’t had time to even contemplate for the last month!)
So I must apologize for the lateness of my write-up; let’s just say that the final weekend of Fringe was big. The biggest. It’s Wednesday and I’m still in recovery mode – my body aches like it never has before (but that could have something to do with the gym sessions) and I’m covered in dance (drinking) related bruises. Regardless, it was all worth it.
So quickly, a summary of the shows that I managed to catch in the last week (and hold on tight because there are certainly some good moments squeezed in here…)
35) Sarah Bennetto’s Funeral – Sarah is gorgeous, funny and a little bit sassy and guess what?! She’s planning her own funeral so her friends and family don’t fuck it up! The theme held her show together incredibly well and allowed Sarah to demonstrate a really good comic range and absolutely shine! A really fun experience!
36) Elf Lyons Being Barbarella – Eeeek! I was SO excited to FINALLY see this show – I’d been wanting to see it earlier in the month and had unfortunately not been able to so I was THRILLED when she announced extra shows. I was not disappointed. Far from it – I was awe struck and inspired. She is the performer that I want to be like. Funny and affable while being incredibly engaging in a very unique manner. The show was tied up in a nice little package, flowed incredibly well and the gorgeous, charismatic Elf Lyons won over the hearts of every single audience member as most of them burst on stage for a dance with her at the end!
37) Michael Bowley Original Cynic – Another great show by a true professional. The hour of comedy was tight and well rehearsed but with plenty of room for improvisation and bouncing off the crowd. Squeezed tightly into a tiny room, the crowed buzzed with glee and seemed to revel in Bowley’s quick wit and polished performance – a little bit naughty with a single C bomb dropped, the show was approachable and fun!
38) Unsound (Festival Show) – My final review show for the 2015 festival season, you can read my full write up here but suffice to say it was a unique experience. I’ve been to an Unsound event in the past and while it’s not 100% my ‘thing’, the noise, experimental and electronic music scene is truly something to behold…
39) Alice Fraser Everyone’s a Winner – We’re all winners for having seen the show – yay! Alice is a talented performer and while this particular show felt disjointed and there were certainly aspects that needed work (the flow and rhythm really wasn’t there, which definitely distracted from her capable performance), Alice is a bubbly little ball of energy and hilarity – I would be keen to see her again in something that makes a little more sense…
SIDE NOTE – part of this show was TOTALLY ruined for me by some INCREDIBLY rude and inconsiderate audience members. A couple who were sitting next to us (I went to the show with my Mum) were talking the whole way through. I was VERY close to telling them to be quiet or just shusshing them, but I didn’t want to come off as a bitch so early on a Friday night. At one point the female got her phone out and was scrolling through the facebook feed. She is the kind of people that I want to tell to just go get fucked.
40) Storytellers Club – The same as last time but totally different – more great communicators telling entertaining stories. You can not go wrong – except that it was a little cold in the beer garden, fuck you early Autumn chill.
41) Fancy Boy Variety Show – With no idea what to expect but with glowing recommendations, I settled near the front for the hour(ish) show. It consisted of a range of sketches, most of which I found hilarious. The ones that I didn’t were still pretty good. The large majority of the audience seemed to agree, although there were certainly those who didn’t – different courses for different horses I guess (and yeah, I think that’s a saying and if it’s not….just go with me on it, okay?)
42) Lunatics (the end of it at least…) – I’m not sure that I can do this justice – the bearpit (the section where comedians allow heckling) got really real, with a few truth bombs being dropped. It was rather intense, however the mood began to lighten and the evening was rounded off with a god quality rap battle and no physical altercations – yay!
43) Le Gateau Chocolat Icons – It was Sunday afternoon and I’d just rolled out of bed “hey, tix for Le Gateau are on halftix, wanna come?” eeek, I was still at the point where I didn’t know if I could hold down water, let alone head out to a show but HEY, it’s last night. Just do it (Nike, please don’t sue me, I’m broke as fuck) – and I’m glad I did! Always a professional, the show was fun with plenty of levels and some beautiful costumes!
aka, the crazy shit that went down before, after and inbetwixt it all. I’ll start with the last Friday night – although I’m sure I’ve forgotten some stuff, this one deserves a ‘special’ mention. I was waiting at The Producers to meet my buddy Josh and the most fabulous (read: outwardly homosexual) man I’ve ever seen in my life approached me (and I’ve partied at Sydney Mardi Gras ladies and gents…). He was all like ‘omigawd you should go see a show with mah friend’ – which I couldn’t, because I was waiting for my friend.
Anyhow, he insisted on buying me a drink – and reiterating the fact that he was into dudes (like the perfectly manicured glittery nails didn’t give that away…) – so while waiting for Josh I sat down for a drink and just as I was thinking ‘I have to blog about this…’ – he called me sassy and shrieked ‘I’MA BLOG ABOUT YOU BITCH’. So great minds think alike, I guess.
When Josh showed up, there is no way my little munchkin of a buddy could be prepared at what was coming for him. Josh is straight (as far as we all know…) and all of a sudden he was the subject of desire for ‘the gayest gay man in the producers’ – (now please don’t take this the wrong way Josh) but I’m not sure he’s been hit on by a lady before, let alone a queen. I think I may have almost died of laughter – and the look of disappointment on the guys face when we FINALLY managed to convince him that Josh is straight? gold. Things were said by that guy that I’m not sure I’m ready to repeat yet but needless to say, he was keen for the D – the D that was attached to poor Josh.
Now I must discuss my Saturday night – having attended a Hens afternoon and proceeded on to my little brothers engagement party, I was in the mood to party (and commiserate that my baby bro is gonna get married before me). Both events were super fun and a rousing success so I proceeded to go back into the city to meet up with the ladies who were still henning on. We ended up at the artists bar, like any good self respecting Adelaideian on the last weekend of Fringe and proceeded to get drunkerer. At that point of the night, drunkerer had become a legitimate term. Next thing I knew I was on the dance floor of the Rhino Room, simultaneously having tequila shots and trying to sweat out all the alcohol I’d been consuming, needless to say, my efforts were fruitless in the face off $5 tequilas.
I danced hard and before we knew it, 5am had arrived. I was with two of my best friends (shouts to Rob and Moe) who I’ve known for an eternity and I couldn’t have asked for a more fun night. After only just mentioning days before that I’d never been to Adelaide institution San Georgio, I was soon seated in the 24hr Italian joint, famous for its early morning alcohol service. Shit get heavy – D&Ms (that’s deep and meaningfuls for all you foreigners) were had and I stumbled into a taxi at 6.30am.
NOW what happend in that taxi will go down in history as one of the most magical experiences of Fringe 2015. To find out more, come see one of my gigs. the written word can not do this justice – and get your mind out of the gutter, it was nothing like that – simply it was one of the funniest taxi experiences I have ever had. Come see me for more.
Closing night at the Fringe club was happiness and sadness. A fantastic festival was being closed, artists were being recognized for their amazing efforts and I was lucky to catch up with so many friends, old and new.
I’m sad but I’m inspired, Fringe 2015, you did me good xx
Eeeek it’s really only a week to go! Less, actually – and it’s been amazing, regardless of the shit things that happened over the weekend (one thing really, that we’ll get to later). First up, I’ve been lucky enough to see ten more Fringe shows since I last posted and one completely obscure Festival experience so, without further ado, here are my latest thoughts and musings on the shows I’ve seen. Oh and hey, while you’re at it you can read part one of my experience here!
25) Pop Pop – Penny Greenhalgh -This was a totally fun and interesting show to experience. I embarked on this adventure alone (the first show I’ve seen by myself this season!) and it was definitely worth it! A little bit absurd, with plenty of laughs, watching the show was like going on a little adventure! There was a guy sitting in the second row who drove me nuts though (and I don’t think I was alone) – he was just generally being pesky and heckling but Penny was an absolute pro and took it all in her stride!
26) First World Problems – Lewis Garnham and Nicholas Huntley – so this is kinda awkward to say but this show was absolutely terrible. It was the worst hour of ‘comedy’ (if you could call it that) that I have ever had to sit though – and I once had to see a show in which two women danced to pop music while pouring red paint over themselves to symbolize the sexualisation of young women in music videos. Yes, this show was worse than a badly made feminist political statement. Nahhhhh I’m just kidding. These two guys are really funny and had great connection with the crowd – working the room like they’d been doing this for years, coming to see this show was definitely a good choice.
27) 2 States of Lauren Bok and Bridget Fahey – Woo! Love it – ladies doing comedy that is hilarious regardless of the content, however when taking into account the content – it gets even better – what?! Yeah that might not make sense but what I mean is, I love the fact that they weren’t afraid to make jokes about female specific situations – pap smear anyone (no, I’m not offering, I’m just making a point). It’s true – we’re bombarded with dick jokes day in, day out but as soon as a vag joke pops up the world seems to have a mini heart attack – chill the fuck out and have a few fucking laughs with these brilliant ladies!
28) (NOT REALLY A FRINGE SHOW ACTUALLY A FESTIVAL SHOW!!!) Vampillia – So this is a show that I chose to review because this time of year is all about ‘experiencing something different’ – and different it was! Here’s the link to the review – but basically I’d been walking around all week saying ‘yeah, I’m going to see a Japanese punk band!’ – because that’s how the guide described it. They definitely weren’t what I’d describe as ‘punk’ – more like hard core and my highlight of the show was the lady in the mustard yellow crochet poncho rocking out harder than any long haired, black t-shirted burly bloke in the venue. A truly ‘different’ experience indeed!
29) Set List – I can’t believe it took me until the end of week three to get here! Stand up comedians being challenged by surprise topics – what could go wrong?! This is a show seems like it could really define a comedian and allows those with talent to really shine – Wil Anderson was an absolute highlight of the show and his effortless comfort on the stage with whatever was thrown at him was something to aspire to.
30) Maestro National Final – The national final of the impro format of Maestro was fun for audience members and the actors alike. Although I only stayed for the first hour and a half, I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing!
31) The Comedy Ashes – Based on some cricketing thingy (apparently) the format for this show saw four Aussie comedians face off against four from the UK. All devastatingly hilarious, my face was aching at the close of the show.
32) Vanity Bites Back – ouch, this one hurt. Starting off super fun and seemingly light, this show grew to be heavy, hard hitting but ultimately memorable and brilliant. Helen Duff is a truly talented individual whose ability to make the audience feel, to take them on a journey is absolutely amazing. Tackling the tough issue of the silence surrounding anorexia, this show is so powerful – just have the tissues handy!
33) This is Not a Love Song – A sweet yet memorable piece of theatre, with some great songs thrown in there for good measure. I thoroughly enjoyed the show and have been recommending it to people ever since. The humour was subtle and lovely and the emotions were raw and realistic.
34) LunaticsBeer Garden – Shambolic but once again a great way to top off the night! 35) Sarah Benetto’s Funeral – Sarah is gorgeous, a brilliant, energetic and bubbly performer! Once again, another lady whose connection with the audience was flawless, she zipped through a number of fun characters and shared with the audience her own personal hope for her own funeral. Not necessarily the most obvious content for an hour of humour, it just goes to show that laughs can be found in the most curious of places! PHEW! A few less shows to share than last time so I took a few more words to summarise them! I’ve been having an absolute blast!
I guess I’ve got two experiences of note to share from the last few weeks – one good, one completely terrible. Let’s start with the terrible (and possibly a bit of a #firstworldproblem…)
Walking to the Fringe Club, 1.30am and I stepped one foot in ankle deep mud. Worse, I was wearing my favourite shoes – a pair of Toms (gorgeous little material beasts), so definitely not the kind of shoes that you can just ‘wash’ clean. Tipping a bottle of water on my foot did little to help – so that was that, it was time to squelch home, one foot disgustingly mud covered. I like to think everything happens for a reason – like I needed to go home and get some sleep – plus, as I was walking home I witnessed a drunk woman with washed out green hair holding a lanky, waifish guy with a look of absolute fear on his face against the wall of The Stag and trying to make out with him. I say ‘trying’ as she had pretty bad aim. She was almost making out with the wall. Maybe I should have stepped in? But I don’t think I would have stood a chance against her… The good thing? I had an awesome morning today attending a musical improv workshop – oh and I managed to get most of the mud out of my shoe – thank god for Nappisan!
Well there’s just over a week left in the 2015 Adelaide Fringe and the past three or so weeks feel like a blur. I feel like I’ve lived a whole life time in this short space of time, and slept very little. I haven’t had a chance to update and share too many of my experiences so here I go, trying to cram it into one post.
I’ve managed to see 24 shows now (which is less than some people, I know but a lot more than most), perform 4 times, work full time (YEAH I’VE BEEN WORKING A FULL TIME JOB. SUCK ON THAT ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO SAY ‘I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME’) and go to at least 3 gym classes a week (because being sexy is a priority, duh). I’m not trying to show off or anything but I think I might have super powers? and an incoming bout of chronic fatigue?
So without further ado, here is a bit of a summary of my time this Fringe, with links to some published reviews and quick write ups of shows and experiences (more so that I don’t forget what I’ve seen and done when I eventually do crash into bed and sleep).
(in no particular order – except chronological. They are in chronological order of when I saw them…)
1) Rhino Room late show – this was the Tuesday before Fringe officially kicked off, a super fun way to begin the hectic season!
2) Geraldine Quinn – Modern Day Maiden Aunt (MDMA) – WHAT?! Fuck yes. Amazing, funny, entertaining and playing to a room of only six?! I am assured though that as her season progressed, the audiences grew. Geraldine is hilarious, witty and had some great tunes in the show!
3) Tahir – The Complete Guide to Being a Racist – find the review here. This was the first show I saw after the ‘official’ opening and it was good! Rough as it was early days but surprisingly not too bogan! I was also super into it as Rhys got pulled up on stage and picked on because he isn’t white, which is basically what I do to him everyday (pick on him because he’s not white, duh) so I felt like I wasn’t the only shit person in the world, for once.
4) Velvet (so good I saw it twice – it also helped that I didn’t have to pay…) what can I say?! High production value and disco beats – a great show does make! You’re never going to be disappointed by a show of this caliber. It’s got everything going for it and with great acrobatic skills, some smooth voices and a polished performance it’s no wonder I saw it again! Also, there’s Marcia…y’know the judge from that talent TV show?! Duh.
5) Sunglasses at Night – The 80s Apocalypse Sing Along Cabaret – this is another show that I reviewed on the first night of Fringe – review here. It was a shit load of fun – basically karaoke with only 80s tunes and not all the lyrics were as they seemed…another great performance by Geraldine Quinn!
6) Vagabond Late Show – a solid variety hour of acrobatics, comedy and generally making me feel untalented but entertained.
7) Simon Taylor – Personal Best. To be honest, I wasn’t sold. I’ve seen Simon be hilarious before, but not this time. Granted it was like a billion degrees hot outside and my butt was sticking to the seat but sorry Simon, your break-up story was just a little to real to be hilarious. Ouch.
8) Marcus Ryan Love Me Tinder – a fun show on a Sunday night, Marcus was charming and entertaining; review here.
9) Marc Ryan The Beautiful Bogan – Christ I laughed fucking hard during this show. Granted I went with my dad, after we’d had dinner together. My Dad’s a great guy with fantastic taste in wine, a bottle of which we had consumed between us before coming to see Marc’s show. Regardless of how much I’d had to drink, the show was great – read the full review here.
10) The Naked Magicians They do magic, they get naked towards the end…you will be reminded of how ugly penises are. They are gross – and yes, I am into dudes but dicks are a bit strange. The magicians are rather hot though and they do some funky tricks.
11) Double Feature – Rocky Horror Tribute Show Did you know that I am a CRAZY Rocky Horror fan?! Well, I am. So is my auntie. We went to this show together and sang along to EVERY song. We may also have danced and drank a bottle of champagne. Either way, fun was had. Full review here.
12) Two Ruby Knockers and 1 Jaded Dick – I was totally hammered when I saw this, even though it was a Sunday night. I guess that’s just how I roll? No, only on Cellar Door Wine Fest. day, otherwise I never drink on Sundays…anyhow, we got sucked into seeing this and it was great (as far as I remember..) no, it was. A bit of magic, a bit of comedy, very film noir and pretty cool!
13) Tamar Broadbent All By My Selfie – talented, funny and gorgeous she made me feel inadequate yet I still loved her. You should go see her if you are or have ever been a girl in her 20s. Or if you know a girl in her 20s because this show is on point as fuck and the songs just kinda got me – as embarrassing as that is to admit.
14) Lewis Dowell – Panda Jumper Maybe a pretty charming show and a heck of a lot of fun! Lewis was total pro (professional that is..) and his show was thoroughly entertaining- it was a pleasure being apart of the audience!
15) Everything is Under Control – This show was really interesting; quirky and different to many of the highly polished and finely tuned shows getting all the attention at Fringe these days. I thoroughly loved Angela Yeoh’s performance – it was brilliant contemporary clowning from the recent Gaulier graduate. Based on the reviews some people missed the point or just didn’t get it. Their loss I guess.
16) Chris Knights Fun, sweet, endearing. I was tired, sun burnt and hungry after having to go to Clipsal for work that day yet I still enjoyed the show, that should be testament enough!
17) It’s Rabbit Night – Jon Bennett Uhm has anyone else noticed that Jon has beautiful eyelashes? Y’know, for a dude? He also has mad wicked story telling skills. My buddy Josh invited me along to this show which was in a rad venue (so many hidden cool places in the ‘Laid). There were only 6 people in the audience, Bennett had considered cancelling and I’m so thankful that he didn’t because I fucking loved this show. Can’t stop thinking about how great it was. That is all.
18) A Greek, An Aussie and A Jewish Comedian walk into a bar – I was in this show the following night, but I also saw a performance that didn’t feature me, which was fun, but less fun than being in it mostly.
19) Sarah Bennetto’s Story Tellers Club a bit of story tellin variety and a damned bit of fun indeed! Four comedians and an MC and some brilliantly wicked story telling – two vomit stories from the talented Cal Wilson couldn’t even put a dampener on the evening – what a champ!
20) Lunatics Beer Garden – Presented by Ro Campbell, this was a heck of alotta fun. I think it helped that most of the audience were comedians and had fun messing with each other. The quality was generally pretty kick ass though (with a few exceptions)…
21) Hans in Das Haus Brilliant. I wrote a review of it and Matt Gilbertson got in touch to say thanks. What a sweet heart and a really great performer. Review here!
22) Wil Anderson – a seasoned performer whose done the hard yards, been around the block and is now reaping the rewards; he’s doing what we all want to be doing. TV, Radio, the LA lifestyle, getting outted for doing drugs in national papers, it’s a dream come true and of course he’s still hilar. Erratic, but great, I really enjoyed this show.
23) Food Booze Sex Dance – as a lady who loves burlesque, I’m surprised that it took me so long to get along to a burlesque show this year! I reviewed it, the dancing was sexy but I found the food to be more delicious! review here…!
24) Death of a Disco DancerMarcel Blanch-de Wilt – I’m biased because we’ve been friends for a while. I love Marcel, he’s one of my favourite people in the world – though I do rather like a few people (so don’t feel special, ANY OF YOU)! His show was great though, go see it! Such fun, such laughter, happiness and all round yay-ness!
PHEW!!! So those are the shows i’ve seen so far, below I’m going to recount some of my silly, ridiculous and insane experiences, the kind of which can only be experienced at a festival like this…
So much to say, so little time to say it! Fringe is the most magical time of year in Adelaide (big call? Maybe. Whatever). I love it, I’ve loved making new friends and chatting to people whose names I’ll never learn and whose faces I’ll never see again – which can sometimes be a blessing.
I have thus far been lucky to perform in two different improv shows – the semi final of SA Maestro and two performances of Sink or Swim. In the final of Maestro I performed one of the coolest and most fun scenes that I have ever done – a solo scene which I acted out with a sock puppet. So it may not sound cool, but it was. It was a really awesome thing to do as a performer and really inspired some great ideas for me. In Sink or Swim I played two totally different characters (in full costume) – one was a film noir dame, the other a fierce Jane Austen lady. Both were great to bring to life – and my fellow cast members made the experience unforgettable however I must say that I adored playing the film noir dame – as it was a great excuse to dress a bit like a hussy and have everyone be okay with it! I have included a photo below as it features one of the rare times in which I am wearing the fancy paint (I hear that normal people call it ‘make up’ but they are probably idiots).
I did my first 15 minute long spot of stand up comedy – I had an absolute blast and I kinda get the vibe that the audience did too? I did make them laugh at a joke about domestic violence, which makes them the bad people in the situation, not me.
I dressed up in a drag-esque outfit (mirror ball bra, silver wig, plenty of bling) and competed against professional (male) drag queens and some other crazy folk to win $500 – neither I nor my friend Brittany won but we looked fucking hot. The competition was held at Surrender, an experience all unto its own. We completed that night by drinking a decent amount, dancing like fuckwits in the artists bar and arriving home at sunrise.
I’ve seen more ridiculousness and brilliance in the past few weeks than most people see or experience in their lives. I’ve surely missed bits out here but this post is also stupidly long (sorry, I should post more often).
Whatever. There just over a week to go and I am going to see more shows and probably dress in something totally inappropriate and get drunk in public again so hopefully I can share that soon and the post will be a little shorter!