Ten Things I Know to Not be True, A.K.A Lies I Tell Myself

  • On any morning while squeezing into skinny jeans; “Oh these jeans have always been tight…”
  • When deciding if I need another drink on a Saturday night; “I’ll just drink some water before I go to bed, that’ll balance this out…”
  • Whilst suffering on a Sunday morning / afternoon / evening; “hung over is a state of mind”
  • Whilst deciding what to order for lunch; “Chicken burgers are just as delicious as beef…”
  • Most days at work; “Facebook stalking my ex-boyfriends new girlfriends teenage sister who seems to have a more active social life than I do, is a productive use of my time”
  • When mourning the most recent loss from my herb garden; “Just because I can’t keep a plant alive, doesn’t mean I can’t keep a pet alive. Heck, I could even manage to not kill a child if I had to…”
  • Most days – both at work and in free time; “people understand and respect my choice to dress for comfort over style”.
  • Most days, when making questionable television viewing choices; “Watching reality TV actually makes me a better person, because it teaches me what kind of person I shouldn’t be”.
  • When driving, anywhere, any time; “people think you’re talking on your Bluetooth device and not singing along to the Spice Girls, they’re just looking at you strangely because they are wondering why such a gorgeous specimen chooses to drive herself, rather than having a chauffeur”.
  • Every night after dinner; “I’ve been to the gym at least once this week and thinking about going a second time burned at least some calories so I’ve earned, neigh, I am entitled to eat this double fudge choc brownie, and the ice cream will actually help me burn more calories, because it’s cold and it takes more energy to digest cold food”.
Sequined Ugg boots combine both style and comfort - with a pair of these I will be able to rule the (fashion) world.
Sequined Ugg boots combine both style and comfort – with a pair of these I will be able to rule the (fashion) world.
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