I’m a little bit annoyed actually, because you see, people keep judging me. I don’t really think that their judgement is fair or valid or, in fact, very polite. Often people will tell you that judgement is just in your head and that ‘hey, being ‘judged’ is a bit of a first world problem, why not go get yourself a soy double mocha-chino and get the fuck over it’. When judgement is obvious though, like when someone does those eyes where they’re looking down upon you and just kind of sigh – maybe they’ll roll their eyes too, with the sole objective of making you feel belittled then it really sucks. This is all sounding pretty damned horrible right now, yeah? Kind of in the whole ‘get out the world’s tiniest violin and play to our hearts content’ way…

Anyhow, I guess you want to know what I’ve been feeling judged about…well, if you insist, I am sick and tired of being judged for talking about my wedding. Yes, I am aware that it’s generally not socially acceptable to talk about your wedding plans BEFORE you get a ring on your finger – yep, that’s right, not even engaged, but seriously, why on earth should that stop my planning?!

There have literally been occasions where I am telling a group of people all about my wedding plans, only for one of them to joyfully exclaim ‘I didn’t know you were engaged – congratulations’ – no, you ass clown, I am not engaged and now you have just made this kind of awkward and you’re certainly going to give me an odd look when I say ‘no, I’m just really organised…’ – and we could have avoided all that!

Now before you get all ‘you don’t need to get married to be happy, you can be a strong independent woman who don’t need no man’ – yes, I’m very aware of that. I don’t necessarily want to get married though, I actually just want a wedding, you see. Now you’re really thinking that I’m crazy, and you know what? You’re probably entitled to that; I’ll let you have that one. People have said to me “why not just have a party”. No. You clearly don’t get it. I want a wedding. Sure it won’t be traditional – I’ve already decided that catering will consist of hamburgers (and a vegetarian version, of course) and cheese platters – because these are superior forms of food. I’ll think I’ll wear a kind of non – traditional dress (but I can’t give too much away) but here’s the clincher – it’s gonna kick the butt of all my ‘friends’ weddings and only cost a fraction of the price! Yep, I’ve got it all sorted. So stop judging me – because yes, I am secretly judging your $20,000 wedding budget – ya fucking nutter.